By: Sekinah Brodie

There’s a 90% chance that you have heard the words “That’s just how I am”. These words are used to explain or justify a certain type of behavior. It normally signifies a much deeper issue within an individual!

The last few years of my life have been a mental and spiritual awakening. I realized that I had accumulated several bad habits. This habits are damaging patterns that I was dragging into new relationships. I found myself, making so many excuses for this behavior. Thus turning a blind eye to any constructive criticism from people who cared.

Once I stopped using and accepting this phrase as my truth, my life changed completely!

It is often difficult to accept the fact that you may be the toxic, or the unpleasant person in a relationship. We’re human and at our cores, we are all searching for some type of love or validation in our lives. Some people chase drugs to find it, some chase money, and some chase relationships. Either way, we all want to feel accepted.

Think about some of the things you’ve done for acceptance and how these things have affected your life in different ways. 

Being rejected and feeling like you aren’t good enough in any situation is hard. However, what’s harder is the stunting of your growth from that rejection. I was once too arrogant to accept the fact that I am not perfect. That I am not a victim and I have not always done things right in relationships. I stopped saying that’s just how I am, and I started asking but how can I change that?

“We justify their behavior by saying ‘you know how they are’, but in reality we are just enabling the bad behavior to continue.”

As an incredibly stubborn Taurus, this wasn’t easy for me by any stretch of the imagination. However this change of mind helped me to accept accountability, become a better leader, and begin healing from the inside out.

There are parts of me that are still broken. Don’t get me wrong, but I can now accept those parts and I’m way more cognizant of how I affect those around me. In my observation of Black community, it’s normalized to accept toxic behaviors. We justify their behavior by saying “you know how they are”, but in reality, we are just enabling the bad behavior to continue. Make the choice to break that cycle for your own sanity and wellbeing. Cut these people off and don’t look back. 

Pay close attention to those around you draining your spirit.

If their response to feedback is “that’s just how I am”, it may be time to re-evaluate the company you keep. It’s not to say that people with this mindset cannot change. It however does take time, patience, and self-work to achieve. Taking accountability is the best thing that has ever happened to my life.

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